would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
