you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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