Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
