I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
