I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
