i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
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This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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