I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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