i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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