glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
They have beer where we have blood.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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