we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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