how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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