The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
