it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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