Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
