Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
