did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
