I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
