This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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