dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!