I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
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There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"