Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We don't watch enough power rangers
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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