I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
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Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
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I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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