maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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