I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
