My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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