It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I touched a dick in church today
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
