her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
