my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
