just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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