Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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