I'm drive I can fine osifer
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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