i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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