he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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