Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
