I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
