Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
