I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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