i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
