I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
