My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
