I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Randomize
