...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
