Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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