Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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