Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
