I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
