Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
