i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize