the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
