I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
of course. lets lasso hookers.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
