WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
