We named our party play list daddy issues
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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