he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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