problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize