Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
and you said cock pushups were impossible
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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