When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
