90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Randomize
