she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
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Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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