I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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